Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 17, 2018 02:21AM
1. Definitely - with the prongs facing up. Facing down means you haven't finished.
2. I guess it's like everything - if the parents don't know, how are they going to teach their children. Maybe grandparents should be stepping in. There could be an occasion where a person embarrasses themselves because they don't know. Our DIL came to a reasonably "posh" restaurant with us, and started eating before everyone was served. My son whispered in her ear and she stopped, but she simply didn't know.
3. Definitely no clearing until all finished. Depending on my mood, I will correct someone who tries to do it - in a restaurant situation. At someone's home, I try to keep the standards without causing anyone embarrassment.

Guess I'm a "hard bitch". My kids know the etiquette, and I will make sure any future grandchildren do too if they don't get it from their parents. I always tried to prepare my kids to be comfortable in any situation. Janet



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/17/2018 02:23AM by Janet or Emma.
DK
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 28, 2018 01:12PM
Janet or Emma Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------

....> 2. I guess it's like everything - if the parents
> don't know, how are they going to teach their
> children. Maybe grandparents should be stepping
> in. There could be an occasion where a person
> embarrasses themselves because they don't know.
> Our DIL came to a reasonably "posh" restaurant
> with us, and started eating before everyone was
> served. My son whispered in her ear and she
> stopped, but she simply didn't know....
>
...> Guess I'm a "hard bitch". My kids know the
> etiquette, and I will make sure any future
> grandchildren do too if they don't get it from
> their parents. I always tried to prepare my kids
> to be comfortable in any situation. Janet

That is so great that you are a 'hard bitch'. Now that my parents andI are living in the same country after twenty years in different countries, I realise that it was my lovely in-laws who taught me table etiquette because my parents' manners are shocking! I've realised that table etiquette isn't just for show, it demonstrates consideration for others.

My parents always start eating before everyone is served, and it makes me feel like a 'Nigel-no-mates' for them to be digging into their plates of food while I have nothing in front of me. My mum talks with her mouth full, and it's not pleasant to see. My dad often orders coffee or asks for the dessert menu while others are still eating, and that makes me feel so rushed. They're not horrible people, they just terms to think of what they want, and not take others into account. Learning etiquette puts you into the mindset of thinking of others.

I feel guilty when I correct them and 'teach' them proper etiquette because they're my elders, but it got to the point where I wasn't wanting to eat with them because the sheer lack of consideration was driving me nuts.
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 28, 2018 07:00PM
That must be awful. I have two friends, both male, who have terrible table manners and I can hardly bear to eat at the same table. They come from very different backgrounds, one aged around 40 from a middle class well educated Auckland family and one aged around 60 from a working class West Coast background, but both act the same way. As soon as there is food put on the table they start helping themselves, even before whoever is serving the food sits down, reaching across others to get it and taking big portions without any awareness that the food is there for the whole table. They eat noisily and chew with mouths open, hold cutlery like a shovel. It's really weird as otherwise they are not alike at all. The only thing they have in common is an interest in conservation, and they have both suffered from depression.

Is this a form of narcissism?
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 28, 2018 08:21PM
I am sorry for those of you who feel disappointed with your older friends and relatives. I have also seen some who are younger not bother to wait until everyone is served to begin eating so it is definitely not just an age thing. I have also been at meetings where there are large groups that some, who are first in line, seem to take huge portions of both mains and their desserts without considering those behind them. These people are from all walks of life and often hold positions of responsibility. They aren't starving
I have learned to try and think of their better attributes and not sweat the small stuff. I am not perfect but I appreciate good manners.
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 28, 2018 11:29PM
Marnie Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> I am sorry for those of you who feel disappointed
> with your older friends and relatives. I have
> also seen some who are younger not bother to wait
> until everyone is served to begin eating so it is
> definitely not just an age thing. I have also
> been at meetings where there are large groups that
> some, who are first in line, seem to take huge
> portions of both mains and their desserts without
> considering those behind them. These people are
> from all walks of life and often hold positions
> of responsibility. They aren't starving
> I have learned to try and think of their better
> attributes and not sweat the small stuff. I am
> not perfect but I appreciate good manners.

Marnie, your Portion comment reminded me of a buffet dinner I attended and for which I had paid a not small amount. The last three of us shared what was left over, about a tablespoon each of the few dishes that had actually something left on them. I thought it was appalling manners, especially since some people couldn’t finish what they had piled on their plates.

Edited to say that this wasn't in a restaurant but at a privately arranged fundraiser. At a restaurant the empty bowls would have at least been replenished.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/29/2018 03:51AM by Chris.
DK
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 29, 2018 05:04PM
@Marnie and TPANDAV....
I initially tried to overlook my parents' lack of table manners but I want to spend time with them, and often this involves sharing a meal. It may sound a bit trivial to most people, but it to me it was making me feel negatively towards them so I felt I needed to address it. I tried changing my response to it by ignoring it and telling myself I should be grateful that my parents are still around, but that wasn't working. The examples I gave are just a few of the things they do.
They aren't selfish or ungenerous people but I think there is a slight level of narcissism there. They often completely block the aisle when out shopping, and a few times when I've picked them up really early for the airport while it was still dark, they call out very loudly to each other while loading the car, but even thinking that people in their block of flats might still be asleep.

It is small stuff but this builds up to become big stuff.
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
April 30, 2018 06:34AM
I can imagine that would be difficult for you, DK, particularly if this only just started to happen. As I lost my Mum when she was 55 I will never know what she would have been like in later years. Somehow I think she would have still been her considerate self.
If it had been me picking them up for the airport I don't think I would have been able to resist giving the hush sign.
Blocking the aisles seems to be a favourite thing for a lot to do. At the supermarket I often see shoppers, totally oblivious to all around, while they "angle park" their trolleys and stand observing every word on the label of their potential purchases.
I used to play in a trivial pursuits team online game, mostly with the same players. It was one of those game sites where you choose your own playing name and one particular player had chosen "growingolddisgracefully" as his name. It made me smile and I am sure he was only having a joke.

Chris, I can also relate to being someone in the same situation as you were. eye rolling smiley I wasn't that hungry but it was just one of those things that can be so easily avoided.
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
September 03, 2018 04:52AM
I hadn’t thought of bad manners as being narcissism, but the more I think about it, that could well be the case. However, I prefer to think that often people simply don’t know.
J1
Re: Table etiquette - what do you do?
September 03, 2018 03:34PM
It's been interesting to observe the progress of a person who used to shovel his food in and finish his plate in about one minute, left sitting there looking awkward, while the rest of our group ate our meals at a more mindful pace. No word has been spoken, but now he does his best to eat at the pace of people at the table - sometimes I sense he's putting great effort in to pulling himself back, as old habits die hard.
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