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"Let me know if I can do anything"
Posted by helen
"Let me know if I can do anything" February 21, 2017 07:16PM |
Admin Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 7,920 |
Having been a bit incapacitated over the lsat week it has reminded me of a vacuous phrase that I will encourage my children to never use, being; "let me know if I can do anything."
Most of us don't like asking for help at all so to be put in a position where it is required to ask for help when you are also feeling that you are not coping due to health or other issues is just too hard.
Proactive people are what makes things better, people who don't wait to be asked and instead arrive around with soup, baking, magazines, a meal or simply phone from the supermarket and ask for a shopping list.
A friends daughter arrived yesterday to walk the dog, such a great help, she didn't ask me if I needed it but just knew that of course we would.
Thankfully I am generally very healthy so don't need to rely on people but this little spell is a good reminder of what make a difference and what doesn't.
Your thoughts?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 07:16PM by helen.
Most of us don't like asking for help at all so to be put in a position where it is required to ask for help when you are also feeling that you are not coping due to health or other issues is just too hard.
Proactive people are what makes things better, people who don't wait to be asked and instead arrive around with soup, baking, magazines, a meal or simply phone from the supermarket and ask for a shopping list.
A friends daughter arrived yesterday to walk the dog, such a great help, she didn't ask me if I needed it but just knew that of course we would.
Thankfully I am generally very healthy so don't need to rely on people but this little spell is a good reminder of what make a difference and what doesn't.
Your thoughts?
Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/21/2017 07:16PM by helen.
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" February 22, 2017 12:14AM |
Registered: 17 years ago Posts: 676 |
This reminds me of the time our daughter was in intensive care. Bunch after bunch of flowers arrived, only to be show to us and whisked away again. We were stuck in Auckland, needing food and phone cards (before mobile phones). One person arrived with a box of juice! I remember that but not what colour the flowers were. Someone mowed our lawn at home, someone left a Christmas cake etc. Now I know what is needed - perhaps people have never been in the situation to understand what real help is.
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" February 22, 2017 01:37AM |
Registered: 16 years ago Posts: 1,979 |
I know personally that I've been unsure on how bold to be when people I know are incapacitated somehow. I would have done anything to help, but didn't want to intrude on their home or interrupt their rest. On the flip side though, I find it extremely difficult to actually ask people to help me, so would love someone to show up and put on a load of clothes and check we had enough bread for school lunches etc. The former is part of me being quite shy and probably overly concerned with not bothering people, even people I know well.
Ali - I tend to err on the practical side of things, so I would think of food, vacuuming, ferrying children to activities as ways I could help. Honestly, sending flowers would probably never occur to me *blush* It is somewhat affirming to read that you remember the box of juice more clearly than the flowers
Ali - I tend to err on the practical side of things, so I would think of food, vacuuming, ferrying children to activities as ways I could help. Honestly, sending flowers would probably never occur to me *blush* It is somewhat affirming to read that you remember the box of juice more clearly than the flowers
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" February 22, 2017 02:36AM |
Admin Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 7,920 |
A friend of mine who has had health issues herself has been amazing this week in doing the things that need doing.
She has just been and brought me salad for lunch, folded some washing and has now gone up to the supermarket to get a few bits and pieces that we needed. She didn't ask but just poked her head in and said "Is it OK that I have brought us some lunch?".
Those friends are a godsend.
I agree re flowers Ali, while it is a kind thought, food and practical help is generally so much better.
Even if people don't want to be intrusive, some baking left at the door etc... is what makes the difference.
Once I am vertical again I am going to make it my mission to be that good friend no matter how busy things are as I know the difference it makes.
She has just been and brought me salad for lunch, folded some washing and has now gone up to the supermarket to get a few bits and pieces that we needed. She didn't ask but just poked her head in and said "Is it OK that I have brought us some lunch?".
Those friends are a godsend.
I agree re flowers Ali, while it is a kind thought, food and practical help is generally so much better.
Even if people don't want to be intrusive, some baking left at the door etc... is what makes the difference.
Once I am vertical again I am going to make it my mission to be that good friend no matter how busy things are as I know the difference it makes.
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" February 22, 2017 11:08AM |
Registered: 13 years ago Posts: 2,228 |
I learned a lot while my friend's husband was dying, about how to be a good friend. I provided meals into her freezer each week, and got my hubby to mow her lawns, got the boys around to give the house a working bee, took her dogs for a walk so she didn't have to....that kind of thing. You don't have to actually do things either, just be a good organiser and get others to do things, most often they don't know what to do, so giving some direction is most useful.
My one mantra is "when people are stressed, feed them" for my friend that meant making her a sandwich and putting it physically in her hand sometimes.
My one mantra is "when people are stressed, feed them" for my friend that meant making her a sandwich and putting it physically in her hand sometimes.
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" February 27, 2017 12:48AM |
Admin Registered: 18 years ago Posts: 7,920 |
Re: "Let me know if I can do anything" March 01, 2017 08:37AM |
Registered: 9 years ago Posts: 455 |
Griz - I love that too so a big 'like' from Adelaide!
Friends bought a new business a couple of years ago, something they'd never been involved with before and it quickly became so successful, they were a bit overwhelmed. Like you, I fed them. I couldn't help them with anything else, and it wasn't fancy food, just home cooking.
Friends bought a new business a couple of years ago, something they'd never been involved with before and it quickly became so successful, they were a bit overwhelmed. Like you, I fed them. I couldn't help them with anything else, and it wasn't fancy food, just home cooking.
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