Foodlovers Foodtalk Forum

Heavy drinking advice

Posted by Vanessa45 
Heavy drinking advice
April 22, 2017 02:16AM
Hi all
A sensitive issue here and asking for any help in this area.

A friends hubby is a big drinker. He always has been and when we were younger it didnt seem to be an issue.
Fast forward many years and they have a family and its really taking its toll on their relationship.
He drinks most nights and a decent amount.

Its affecting his mental well being, his physical health and clearly their relationship.

I really feel for her as she's trying to help him in so many ways but he's in denial that he has a problem with the booze and believes he can deal with it in his own way. This sounds great but my friend has seen it all before and to be honest, has lost all faith that he can cut back or give up alone.

I called a public alcohol support group CADS for her to try to organise some support for her but they told me she needed to phone up. She did and was directed to their answerphone service.

She feels like she's going round in circles in this cycle of drama around drinking.

I know there wont be an easy fix but any advice/contacts ect would be much appreciated.

Re: Heavy drinking advice
April 22, 2017 05:49PM
Been there, done that. It's an impossible situation if the drinker won't admit to their problem. No one can help until such time as the drinker is ready to help themselves. Sometimes it takes a rude shock for that to happen, possibly with a health scare, an accident causing hurt, or the partner and family to move out and leave the drinking partner. So sad, but true. I suggest the non-drinking partner contact Al-Anon, which is for the family of alcoholics, whether the alcoholic goes to AA or not. Here is the place to find out about it and perhaps make first contact:
Re: Heavy drinking advice
April 22, 2017 06:51PM
I know many people who have had drink and drug problems, including my previous husband, who was an alcoholic. He is dead. My step-daughter is in recovery for major drug and alcohol addiction. Lorna is correct; it takes a big shock for them to acknowledge that they have a problem and even then there is no guarantee that they will take steps towards recovery.

The non-drinking partner can only look after themselves. If and when the drinker starts recovery then she can do whatever she can to support his efforts. It sounds harsh but it is the reality. There is nothing to be gained by continuing to enable the drinker by covering up for his bad behaviour or financially supporting him.

It is worth contacting AA and Al Anon to find out what is available in your friend's area. I did not go to support groups and I now wish that I had as I think I would carry less bitterness now.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 04/22/2017 06:51PM by TPANDAV.
Re: Heavy drinking advice
April 22, 2017 07:49PM
I really appreciate your thought guys.

Sadly I feared what you have both said, nothing is going to change until he is ready and willing.

I will check in with my friend and encourage support for her as Ive told her she needs to stay strong and healthy and try not to let it chip away at her.

I had experiences with an ex who was a binge drinker and I went to a support group - I was surprised how many other people were dealing with addiction issues with family and friends. It really resonated with me that you have no idea whats going on in peoples lives and some families really are doing it tough due to addiction.

Re: Heavy drinking advice
April 22, 2017 09:10PM
Hi Vanessa45 & TPANDAV - a little off topic but years ago I did an Adult Children Of Alcoholics course in Perth WA. It was twice a week for 6 weeks and I found it very tough and confronting to come face to face with what happened in our family, but the knowledge I gained has stayed with me to this day. I am forever grateful to the friend who suggested it as it saved me from getting into a relationship with someone who was also an alcoholic. It also allowed me to forgive Dad, as I'm sure otherwise I would have been bitter and resentful.
Re: Heavy drinking advice
April 25, 2017 04:37PM
Thanks Heather, I really appreciate your response.
Re: Heavy drinking advice
June 01, 2017 05:18AM
u can't help till that person realised the problem
Re: Heavy drinking advice
June 08, 2017 03:54AM
Our neighbour was a heavy drinker and now aged 70 he has been told his liver has had it. Too late now but he stopped drinking overnight. However he is now dying and we watch him daily getting worse.
I suggest his wife and him go to the Doctor so you both hear the side effects that will effect you later on.
i also suggest she go along to Al-anon. This is a wonderful support service which would help the wife
Re: Heavy drinking advice
July 11, 2017 04:32AM
noeleendickson's suggestion that your friend go along to an Al-anon Family Group meeting is a great idea, even if her husband doesn't want to. Another idea might be to have an intervention with family and friends to let him know the impact of his drinking. The Alcohol Drug Helpline (0800 787 797) might be able to give advice on how to conduct an intervention.
Sorry, only registered users may post in this forum.

Click here to login

Copyright Foodlovers. All rights reserved.