I belong to a social group and enjoy the company of most of the members, We now have a member who’ enjoys dominatating every conversation, and in particular relates stories of confrontational encounters with various service industry people. Demanding to see the manager is a favourite pastime it seems.

While I am not going to say anything to her, I am asking for advice for me....every meeting I come away thinking I won’t go back if she is there, then after a day or two I calm down and refuse to let her spoil my other friendships.

Any tips that I can use to control the situation so it doesn't upset me?

Would it be possible to have a chat with the person who invited this new addition to the group for a bit of feedback? As you said, it would be a shame to let the opinions of one new person spoil your friendships. If you don’t voice your feeling of unease you will start feeling resentful and that could be picked up by the others who w I’ll be wondering if they have done something that offended you. Not an easy situation to be in.

Just dont give the conversation energy by engaging or responding. Other than that, I doubt there is much you can do if others are engaging and responsive.

Love her. Forgive her. Understand why she is doing this. Wish for her that over time she will mature and become wiser about herself, others, life. Your social group may be an important stepping stone for her on this path. Understand your own reactions to her and why you have them.

If she is new to the group I wonder if you will find that she will become less dominating in conversations as time goes on and as she gets to know you all better. At the moment she may be showing her newly made friends how powerful she is in dealing with situations, and how knowledgeable she is. Sometimes you can throw people off topic when they are in full flight by butting in (at the right time) and changing the subject. You may find you are not alone in your feelings - others may be quietly stewing but keeping it quiet from everyone else too. Give her time and hopefully she will become a more acceptable friend in your group. I understand how frustrated you are feeling right now.
Regards,
Dawn.

Oh dear, Ali. I think we all know, or know of, that sort of person.

If it is a club and has a designated president, then usually the president says something such as "if someone who hasn't already spoken would like to contribute then please do so". Or, "I will have to stop you there so as many people as possible can say/ask something" I have heard both used and it was the most organised club I have ever belonged to. It became necessary when they were losing members who were feeling like you (and probably others).

Often they are really nice people and there are a variety of reasons why they tend to want to dominate. I wish I had the patience that J1 has. I don't. I tend to let my mind wander a little or excuse myself and go to the bathroom or outside, supposedly for a breath of fresh air.

It isn't just a female problem.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 10/15/2018 11:35PM by Marnie.

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and measured responses. It would seem it is a common problem and I feel encouraged that you cared enough to write.

Life is too short to let inconsiderate people dull the sunshine.

Ali W Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Thank you everyone for your thoughtful and
> measured responses. It would seem it is a common
> problem and I feel encouraged that you cared
> enough to write.
>
> Life is too short to let inconsiderate people dull
> the sunshine.

Wise words, Ali and all the best. Let us know at some stage perhaps how this worked out for you.

I have belonged to an assortment of clubs and groups and have found there’s “one of these” in every group.
They do love to be heard and especially noticed. I find them very aggravating, but as I say there’s always one.

If there is a leader/chair then they can moderate....

Possibly some group rules could be put in place.

I too find these situations hard - often these people are not confident and often lacking in some of the social skills to deal with these situations.

I agree with J1 although understand how hard it is to do this.
I try and see what is beneath the surface and try my hardest to find the good and likeable things about that person.
Maybe trying to divert the conversation onto something more palatable before she goes into a tirade...
It is hard though I agree.